Emotional Vulnerability: Why it's the Best Thing Ever
I was playing this game one time
where someone says one word and you respond by saying the first word that comes
to your mind. Well, at one point the person said to me “fear” and my response: “vulnerability.”
Damn, we stopped playing the game after that. Just let that sink in, that’s
what I fear, being vulnerable? That’s really the first thing that came to mind.
I look back at that moment now and think about how sad that it is. How awful it
seems that I fear myself being exposed physically and emotionally. More so
emotional vulnerability, that’s what I would really like to discuss in this
piece. Emotional vulnerability, my biggest fear, my largest insecurity in my
life.
It’s goes something like this…you
meet someone, you hit it off, you have your “honeymoon” and then they leave
you. And this is not just in terms of romantic relationships, but all
relationships, friends, family, the works. I find betrayal to be one of the
worst actions a person can commit. And betrayal is the feeling most people
experience at the end of relationships. After showing such emotional
vulnerability, giving your whole entire heart to someone…you are dropped,
almost as quickly as they found you, left betrayed. So, now how are you
feeling? Not so great I’m betting, trust me I’ve been there, I understand. You
took your heart, opened it up all the way, handed it to someone and they threw
it in the garbage. You showed emotional vulnerability and it didn’t seem to pay
off. And that’s why vulnerability is my biggest fear. It’s incredibly
terrifying to show your truest self to another individual and get rejected.
Being vulnerable and honest is extremely hard and requires an immense amount of
effort and I think that’s why so many people struggle with it. Because at one
point or another they put forth that effort and the end result was not a good
one, in fact it was terrible; they were left defeated and hurt. And the only
thing they had left to show, of what was once a beautiful relationship, was a
broken heart.
Emotional vulnerability would
normally lead me to an end result of resentment, but holding grudges and being
angry is about the worst thing you can spend time doing. So, after many
destroyed relationships, broken hearts, tears and anger I’ve come to a
conclusion. Emotional vulnerability is the answer, not the problem. When you
hide your emotions, and bottle up all your energy the result is never good, in
fact it is more terrible then any broken heart. My most recent, current
relationship has taught me a lot about myself and emotions in general. I’ve
learned the single most important thing is honesty and talking over anything
and everything that is on your mind. Speaking about happy topics as well as the
heaviest issues is essential to creating and keeping a strong connection. For
sake of this, I will refer to my “significant other” as “Everything” (this
title was chosen for various reasons, when and if, he ever reads this will
understand). So, Everything is one of those people that seems to continuously
bring the best out in me and constantly improve me as a person. He forces me to
speak on subjects and feelings that I normally wouldn’t share due to my past
experiences. Now aside from him just being a genuinely good guy, he is also a
person that I felt extremely comfortable around right from the beginning. This
is a crucial part of being able to show emotional vulnerability, a person you
can trust and feel safe around. Once you find that person you have to start
talking, talking a lot and often.
Very recently Everything said
this to me, “I feel that once someone experiences your vulnerable side is when
they finally really know a lot about you.” And boy, there could not be a truer
statement then that one right there. Being vulnerable shows a lot of the weaker
more raw emotions of a person. The side of a person that they don’t normally
show when out in public or just around acquaintances. So, when someone cries or
screams or trembles in front of you that’s when you know, they are at their
most vulnerable. And those emotions are the ones you should appreciate the most
because now you truly know the individual. You have been acquainted with their
vulnerable side, you know what makes them tick and what makes them tear up and
that is a beautiful thing. Whether it’s anger or sadness, emotions such as
those are what I like to call “open-heart emotions.” And Everything has made me
realize that sharing your open-heart emotions can be a good thing, in fact it
can be extremely liberating and freeing. As scary as it may seem initially,
being emotionally vulnerable allows you to grow as a person. And as cliché as
this may sound having your heart broken can be one of the best lessons in life.
So, I suggest making a change.
Allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable because it might just be the best
thing that you can do for yourself. Open your heart to anyone who you think you
may have the chance to share love with in this life and see where the moment
takes you. Emotional vulnerability, as terrifying as it may seem, has taught me
so much about myself. And if you do not learn and know about yourself how do
you ever expect to learn about another? Just this once, try putting yourself
out there and see what happens. “You have to try. Because if you try, if you
leap and you try, and it doesn’t work, it’s not on you” (Olivia Pope, Scandal). And when you aren’t the one
carrying around heavy feelings and bottling up emotions you will feel so much
better about yourself and life in general.
----
Though being emotionally
vulnerable is still something I occasionally struggle with it is no longer one
of my insecurities. I’ve learned that if I take control of my feelings rather
than ignoring them or oppressing them, I can feel much more at ease. Sometimes
relationships can be scary, but find the right person, put yourself in the
proper mindset and trust me, things won’t be as hard as you once thought they
were. “You don’t need to worry, it’s okay,” Everything said.